Not a Mormon Anymore

I'm still inactive from the Church, and no real interest in going back.  Some of my LDS facebook friends are not too happy about it.  But, I just don't feel like I would fit there anymore.  I am back to my true self as a New Ager.  I still see some truth in the Church, but I don't believe it has the only truth. And I don't want to obey the rules anymore.  I don't think the things I'm doing now will really keep me out of heaven.  And I am enjoying my Swiss Mocha for breakfast on these cold Autumn mornings.

In Transition: Not Sure of Next Step

I'm in transition, one foot in the Church, and one foot out, balancing precariously, hoping God will lead me.  I feel like I can't go back.  Too much has changed for me. I have new perspectives in life, and new understanding of the Church.  Right now I'm torn between two ideologies, one Mormon, and one traditional Christian, neither of which is a perfect fit for me anymore.

My new Christian friends are adamant that I should reject the Book of Mormon, but I still see truth in it.  My problem is with the Doctrine and Covenants.  Ironic, isn't it, when I used to love that book so much.   I've run across a few web sites that promote the Book of Mormon for ALL Believers, not just Mormons, and I've run across a web site for Reformed Mormonism.  That seems to fit my mood right now, that and Unity, which has the New Age feel I have always enjoyed. 

Right now, all I can do is trust that God will lead me, even as He has promised.  My personal motto, for several months is Jeremiah 29:11.  I know God has plans for me, and I just need to let them unfold. 

Things Have Really Changed, and So Have I

I would never have thought I could change so much in less than a year, but I have.  I have not gone back to church, and don't plan to return.  I'm beginning a new spiritual path, and will be going to a different church. My research over the past several months has shown me too many discrepancies in the church.  I no longer believe it is the ONLY true church.  I chafe against the rules which don't make sense anymore, and I am not keeping the covenants.

I have become more New Age, and I am going to start using meditation and affirmation and some of the principles of Unity in my life.  I am also going to start attending Four Winds Church, the non-denominational church right next door to the LDS Chapel, ironically.

So one phase of my life ends, again, and a new one is on the horizon.  A new adventure.  I wonder what God has in store for me now.

Better Late Than Never, I Suppose

This is a very late update.  I am shocked to see that I've neglected all my blogs here, since March.   I've been very busy, and very distracted. Between a very special online relationship that I've had for several months, a wonderful vacation, and my normal ADHD distractions, I've neglected a lot of things.  I've even neglected church, to the point that I guess I might be technically considered to be "inactive." 

So, what have I been doing with my time?  Getting acquainted and falling in love with a man from Australia. That's the main thing I've been doing, spending a lot of time with him on Skype, Facebook, Twitter, and Yahoo.  It's been so much fun learning from him.  I've become an International sports fan, too: World Cup Soccer, and  Australian Rules Football aka "footy" .  We have so much in common with each other,  so many things to enjoy with each other, even on the Internet, and such a passion for each other.  Unfortunately, we are Soul Mates who met at the wrong time, and too many outside pressures are forcing us apart.  We are facing the facts that we will never meet offline, so we have chosen to just be friends, Internet buddies.  That is a hard transition, and this is a bitter pill to swallow, breaking up, while still in love. But, we can't fight against the world anymore.

 I had a wonderful vacation last month with my oldest son Aaron and his family in PA, got to see my newest grandchild, a baby girl, born in May.  I flew into Baltimore, MD on the 12th, and Aaron and Ashlin met me at the airport.  Then we went to Baltimore Harbor and visited the USS Constellation and the museum, and ate a late lunch at the Hard Rock Cafe.  After that, we went to Gwen's sister's  and picked up Gwen and the baby, Sabina, and then went home to Harrisburg, PA.  The next day I visited Ashlin's school, The Circle School, which is a very unique educational institution, with total academic freedom, and lots of  playtime and creativity.
Later that week we went to Hershey and visited Chocolate World.  Then, the day before I went home, Ashlin, Aaron and I went apple picking, and Aaron and Gwen made a home-made, from scratch, apple pie. I had such a good time with them.
 
Other than those two major things, I've been busy on Facebook and other sites,  promoting and writing about a few causes I'm involved in: Net Neutrality/Save the Internet,  Free Press, Religious Freedom, and ADHD. I've also been involved in several forums, and have also done some reading and studying.

I know I should get back to church, but it's not going to be easy.  In my time away, I've changed a bit, even my outlook on things has changed and I've become more liberal.  And, I'm out of the habit of getting up and going to church every Sunday.  It will be hard to get back into the habit. 

I Made It to Church Today...Late

I got to church today, felt good, not sick at all.  I got up at 11:00, thinking I'd have lots of time to get ready, especially since I knew the songs for Relief Society, and wouldn't have to practice them this morning. 

What a shock I had when I got on my computer to check the weather.  It was not 11:00, it was NOON!!
I've been so wrapped up in my writing, Facebook, and movies on Netflix that I haven't watched much TV lately. So, I missed the friendly reminder from the local weather man, to change the clock forward.  Today is the beginning of Day Light Savings, and I missed it!  I forgot they changed it to March, and I thought it didn't start until April!

I was late to church, missed everything but the last speaker and the closing song and prayer, but I was there for Sunday school and Relief Society, which is better than last Sunday. . 

I Hate Being Sick on Sundays!

I  don't know what's wrong with me.  I got to bed at a decent time for a change, woke up spontaneously without the alarm after 6 hours of sleep, read a few chapters of the Book of Mormon, watched a couple of good, uplifting play lists on You Tube, showered, dressed, and even put on a bit of make up.  In short I was feeling fine. Then, just before time to leave, I got slammed with stomach cramps, diarrhea, and got so weak I literally fell onto my bed.  I just now woke up, at almost 5:00 p.m.

Today was Fast Sunday, so I was fasting.  I thought maybe that was the problem, so I ate a slice of toast and peanut butter,and drank half a cup of milk.  That's when the weakness hit me. So, I sat in my recliner, relaxing a bit, hoping I might at least get to Relief Society, but when I got up, I was so weak I almost fell on the floor. That's when I gave up and went to my bedroom to take a nap, and literally fell on my bed.  I was also freezing cold, so I changed out of my church clothes, and covered up with my quilt.

It's crazy because it's been in the upper 60's, up to 70 degrees today, but I had to turn the heat on in the house!

I'm wondering if this happened today because all last week I didn't get enough sleep, and I was low on nutrition.  Maybe this is a cumulative effect.

If I don't feel better this week, I think I will go back to the doctor. 

I hate being sick on Sundays!  It wrecks my whole day.

Sunday Evening Was Good

I managed to stay pretty much on track and didn't spend too much time on the Internet on Facebook and games and other trivia.  Instead, I did some studying, read my patriarchal blessing, and got some answers to some questions I've had.  I also watched some good, uplifting videos from my You Tube play lists. 

I have some idea now of goals to make for this retirement phase of my life.  I plan to get started on that through this week.